Tejay Spencer Riley

Tejay was always such a lively child full of energy and life, never sitting still for a moment.
His main loves were cars and motorbikes just like his dad and he loved to go out in the car with dad or down the garage to help fix his cars, he was always getting the car keys and putting them in his toy car and driving round the living room.
He also loved to annoy people, any one who came round had to keep a firm hold on there phone or keys or he would swipe them and run off and hide them, when you'd ask him where they were it was always the same reply, he'd look round so innocently and say "gone".
his favorite words were gone got or no and of course mum which he would say every two minutes or so just to make sure I hadn't gone anywhere with out him.
he loved to snuggle up on the sofa and watch tractor tom or bob the builder with his blank and pillow sucking his thumb, his blank came every where with him, which wouldn't be so bad but it's not a little blank.
He really touched so many people's hearts in his short life it's amazing.


The Funeral.
This was and is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. But I was determined I would give my baby the send off he deserved, so I went into organization mode without really thinking about what I was organizing if that makes sense.
I went to the funeral directors a few streets away from home and arranged for them to bring him to there chapel of rest, my reason being it was the closest to home I could get him, so I could be with him as much as possible.
I'd decided I was going to have him buried in his pj's, as he was sleeping in my eyes, so naturally he needed his jarmies, I tried a few times to go through his clothes to sort some out for him, but just couldn't do it. So in the end I decided to buy him some new ones thinking it would be easier to do. How wrong I was.
I was in the shop trying to look at jarmies and I just couldn't I walked up to them a few times, then walked away again. In the end after giving myself a good talking to, much to the other shoppers disbelief, thinking back I must have looked like a mad woman standing there telling myself to pull myself together and just buy some bloody pj's. I picked up a beautiful blue fleece sleep suit with a picture of a dinosaur and underneath it said night night, sleep tight. I paid for it with tears streaming down my face.
My next big hurdle was choosing a coffin, that was just awful. In the end I decided I couldn't have a white one for him, as he's never been a child you could dress in white, typical boy really only happy if he's dirty. So I asked them to paint it for me, they did. It was painted a lovely sky blue. Seeing him in it at the chapel for the first time will stay with me forever, he looked like he was sleeping, all wrapped up in his blank. I wanted to shake and tell him to wake up stop messing around just wake up.
I spent most of the next three days there with him, sitting there talking to him, touching him, kissing him.
Then came the day they closed the coffin, that was so hard knowing I had to walk away knowing I would never see him again, I just couldn't leave I couldn't. My Friend had to take me in the end.
Monday 10th October 2005.
The day had arrived, the day I was terrified of.
The hearse arrived with Tejay, I couldn't bear to look at first. We walked up behind it to the church at the top of the street, they got the coffin out of the hearse, I had to look now, I couldn't see through my tears, I think the only reason me and Terry my husband and Tejays dad made it through the service was because we held each other up.
We entered the church to the sound of the crazy frog playing, one of Tejay's favorite songs I had to smile as I could see him in my mind wiggling his bum and dancing to it.
To be completely honest I don't really remember much more of the service it's all a blur. I was going to read my letter I'd written to Tejay ( it's in the tribute and condolences section) but the priest did it for me in the end. A friend stood up and told every one about Tejay, she did so well and was so brave, I will be forever grateful to her.
The next thing I knew we were in the car following the hearse to the cemetery for the burial, this was the part I was dreading the most and will never ever forget, when they lowered his little body into the ground all I wanted was to be in there with him, I couldn't take my eyes from the coffin down there. I was led away to look at the flowers, what flowers were there I didn't know. There were so many people and flowers, but who they were and what flowers they were there I couldn't say.
All I could think about was my baby was gone. Gone and I'd never see him again.